You've been working so hard to find good books, movies, and Fetlife groups to explore and expand your submissive tendencies. 

Why do you still have so many questions about how it works for you?

Picture this: You get home from work and you know exactly what to do.

The good news is, it's not you. And it's probably not even your relationship (or lack thereof).

You change into the comfortable-yet-sexy slightly too small shorts and a tank top you know your dominant loves. You make their decaf coffee with vanilla and almond milk exactly how they like it, and present it to them with a graceful move (without spilling!). You get out the photo album project, going through photos of the two of you together from last weekend's camping trip. As you upload the photos and sort through them, you see a vivid smile on your face in the photos, and you realize that you are so satisfied, so content, and so ecstatic with your partner and with your submission. You feel the same vivid smile creeping on to your face again now, matching the you in the picture. 

A dominant/submissive relationship where your needs are fulfilled, where you understand what to do, and where you keep finding new room to grow is completely possible. You've seen it in your friend's relationships, or perhaps had a glimpse of that D/s couple at a kinky conference. But your own submissive life is still unfilfilled and struggling. 

Why? Why do you continue to: 

  • Have nobody to talk to about the puzzles and problems that come up
  • Have no time to connect with your dominant and play deeper
  • Doubt your own value as a submissive
  • Crave more ... something ... from your submission, but you aren't sure what
  • Be disappointed by kinky play, even though it used to be so satisfying for you

The problem is that we have a fantasy version of submission that is not one-size-fits-all, but we try to force ourselves into boxes and become something that we are not. There is no one true way to be a submissive — no matter what anyone on Fetlife says. 

I can help.  

After searching for years for the kind of D/s relationship that I wanted, and after trying to fit myself (and my partners) into fantasy versions of power dynamics, I decided to make it a quest to figure out what I was missing. 

What I found was fairly simple: I had to do some soul-searching to discover what it really was that I wanted, and how it was that my particular flavor of D/s worked. I couldn't accept the cookie cutter fantasy version of it anymore, I had to create my own for myself, from scratch. 

As a Dominant, I believe my job is not to teach you how to submit — other submissives and your own inner wisdom hold techniques and tips for that. (Plus, that’s why the course has sixteen guest educators who are mostly switches and submissives.)

My job as a Dominant is:

  1. To create a space for your submission to walk into and feel held, safe, and able to deeply explore
  2. To set you up with rules to follow, protocol to practice, and goals to meet that are reasonable, clear, and manageable. I want you to go away from encounters feeling awesome, strong, bad-ass, energized, well-used, respected, and maybe, if we’re lucky, we’ll both feel a little bit transformed
  3. To keep checking in to the Big Picture of our mutual goals, and keep tweaking our rules and protocol so that we are doing the best we can to move closer to them.

Unless you're rife reading this page, I am not actually your dominant. But in this course, I act as a combination of mentor and dominant to help you lead yourself to the understanding about your unique submission that works for you. 

In Submissive Playground, my goals for the submissive “players” who participate in the course are:

  1. To have fun! To identify and suspend some of the judgment we’ve accidentally absorbed about what “real” submission is and what it means to submit well, and to instead dive into myriad ways to do it, and figure out what works best for us right now.
  2. To do experiments with our bodies (and hearts and minds), to “collect the data” from the experiments, and to keep moving forward.
  3. To connect with community and witness the many ways a D/s path is possible, and to support each other in the different ways that we pursue these arts.
  4. To support you in identifying your “growth edges,” the places you’d like to transform and learn and grow, and to offer resources on your journey. (And to identify some of my own growth edges, too!)

I have spent years figuring out how my own power dynamics work — what I want, what I'm good at, what kind of relationship to seek, and how to make sure I don't get in my own way. After more than fifteen years of searching and researching, I feel confident in my relationships, in my understanding of my own flavors of power dynamics, and in my ability to get out of my own way. 

I want to help you do the same thing.

(Except, you know, with submission.) 

Welcome to Submissive Playground.


Starting Saturday, October 8th, I'll take you through four major areas of submission to investigate your own relationship with it, what you like and don't like, what works for you and what doesn't, what kind of submissive you are, and what kind of you submissive you want to become. 

I'll give you tasks to complete through each module, submissive "homework" with journal pages and exercises to build your own submissive confidence and knowledge. We'll read dirty erotica, study submissive theory, watch some porn, and learn from guest teachers each step of the way. 


Saturday, October 8, 

10-11:30am PT / 1-2:30pm ET

We kick off with a webinar where we'll meet each other and hit the ground running. In the first module, we’ll focus on everyone’s favorite subjects: kinky sex through bondage, toys, and fetish. Everyone gets the first package of materials: guest videos from nationally known kink educators, some essays to read, and your first homework assignment and submissive journal pages with reflections and ways to delve into your own desires deeper. We have guest videos from Lee Harrington, Unspeakable Axe, Maisha Najuma Aza, and Madison Young — plus, a special video from Sinclair and rife with an easy bondage tie. You'll get your first homework assignment: some specific instructions for a bondage experiment.



Saturday, October 29th 

10-11:30am PT / 1-2:30pm ET

Got a fetish for punishment? Do you like to entice your top to go harder by disobeying? Or does messing up your dominant’s instruction make you quiver? This week, we’ll explore three big pieces of discipline: Protocol, punishment, and obedience. International Master 2011 Liza has a guest video about the types of punishment, Princess Kali talks about the difference between "punishment" and "funishment," International slave 2011 Jody discusses motivations, and there's an audio interview with Raven Kaldera, too. Plus, you’ll keep going with your submissive journal and deepening your personal paths, and get another homework experiment about protocol.


Saturday, November 12th

10-11:30am PT / 1-2:30pm ET

For some, service is both a fetish and a “language of love,” a way we express care for other people. We’ll explore domestic service, sexual service, and service in community this week, and get clearer about the ways we express our care and devotion to our partners. International Ms. Bootblack 2011 and queer comic artist switch kd diamond joins us for a special video tutorial on service, Andrea Zanin speaks about what submissives should know about dominants receiving service, Sejay Chu discusses tips for better service, and rife explores ways to stay in a servicey mindset (even when you don't want to).  Plus, readings from Joshua Tenpenny on types of service, and of course: homework! Your experiment is to experiment with some — you guessed it — service.


Saturday, November 26th 

10-11:30am PT / 1-2:30pm ET

What’s it like to receive intense sensation? Are there pain processing techniques you can use to be able to take more than you currently can? Guest queer sex media maker and macho slut Tina Horn will join us for a tutorial on spanking and submission, Tillie King talks about masochism and chronic pain, Midori gives expert tips for more masochistic play, and Shiris talks about pain processing. We've also got a short video by Mollena Williams called "Impact," and Jeff Mann's short story "Lost River" with a cathartic beating. You'll receive your submissive journal prompts, and homework: an in-depth experiment with receiving intense sensation.


Saturday, December 10th 

10-11:30am PT / 1-2:30pm ET

We wrap it all up with our last webinar, where we reflect on the entire course and receive a few last (but very important) pieces of homework, and the post-course aftercare survey for feedback and processing. We'll wrap up our conversations in the course message board, and keep in touch with our new submissive friends. All individual sessions with Sinclair and rife will be scheduled, and we'll complete. 

Hey wait! What if I can't make one of these dates/times? 

Will the webinars be recorded? 

Yep. They'll be recorded on Crowdcast and all Players will be able to download the videos (and ALL the course materials) until December 31st, 2016 to complete and work on at your leisure. 

What you might be thinking right now ...

But I'm not in a relationship! 

Or, but I am in a relationship! 

Don't worry — you don’t have to be in a relationship, nor do you have to be single. Submissive Playground includes exercises to play with your own sexuality in submissive ways. If you have a partner, it is best that your partner is on board with you doing some submissive explorations in the ways that best serve you. The exercises are customizable for folks who are partnered, folks who have many partners, folks who casually play, or for folks who are exploring submission on their own. 

I’m a switch/dominant/not sure what I am exactly, but I want to explore my submissive side. Can I take this course?

Absolutely. No one is 100% submissive (unless you are; we can discuss that further later). You don’t have to be s-type identified, but for the purposes of this course, you do have to want to explore the submissive streak in you. That’s the part in you that we’ll be playing with. What you do outside of the course, and before and after the course, is up to you.

What do you mean by submissive?

“Are you referring to people who are bottoms in the BDSM scene, or to people who like to be psychologically dominated and told what to do?” — Yes, both or either. This course is designed to help you determine what kind of s-type you are, and what types of submissive activities are best suited to you. If you already know, then this course will contain ways to take your submission deeper. The exercises are suitable both for submissives who want to be physically dominated in a kink/BDSM type of use of the word, and for submissives who want to be in strong power dynamics and be controlled (all or some of the time).

Will you make me do things I don’t want to do?

No! Absolutely not. All things will be done within your consent and comfort levels, and you have full choice in participation in any experiments or experiences. The idea here is for you to get a better idea of precisely what you like best, so it’s of no use to do the things you already know you dislike. There will be many opportunities for customization and many places where your input will be key, so you get to do exactly the kinds of things you like. If you want things extra tailored, you can always sign up for the Mentor Package and meet with Sinclair for one-on-one sessions once a week throughout the course.

I have boundaries for my job / I’m not out as kinky. Can I be anonymous? Do I have to use my legal name in the course?

Yes, you can absolutely be anonymous. You can choose whatever name and avatar photo that you want to use for the course, and you can choose to give whatever level of identifying information (like where you are in the country, what you do for work) that you feel comfortable with.

Sometimes you have to send your legal name in order to pay digitally, but we do promise to keep your information completely private.

Email Sinclair — dominant@submissiveplayground.com — if you have specific concerns or needs about your privacy in this course, but rest assured that no amount of disclosure is required and we can work together to make sure that you are comfortable with what is shared with others.

Hey, I'm Sinclair

And this is my slave, rife. (I'm sure you can tell which one of us is which.) Together, we take you through the materials and exercises in Submissive Playground. 

For ten years I've written at sugarbutch.net, using confessional writing and studying aspects of culture to investigate my own truths about gender, sexuality, kink, power dynamics, and intersectional social justice. I started teaching because people keep telling me that sharing my journey has supported theirs, and they ask me to teach some of my methods.

In other words, I've spent the last decade studying power dynamics and how my inclinations work, and I finally have the authority exchange relationship I've been dreaming of and working so hard to create.

I've spent the last ten years studying dominant/ submissive dynamics, and I've watched many D/s couples struggle with basic values, attachment, and communication difficulties. The two biggest problems, across the board, have been: 

1. Not feeling a confident understanding of one's submissive self

2. Not knowing how to ask for what one wants, and not sensing when what one wants changes

That's why Submissive Playground came into being.

How much guidance do you want through the course? 


Just the basics. 

Guest teacher videos, erotic stories, submissive theory, interviews, and homework like experiments to try 
and journal reflection

Biweekly webinars to reflect on each module’s tasks, report your progress, take your submission deeper, and get answers to your questions from rife and Mr. Sexsmith

Message board to discuss the homework and tasks with other submissives, for continued group feedback, discussion, connection

Digital certificate of participation



Perfect for those who want more feedback, lots of one-on-one time, and a tailored program.

All benefits of the DIY and Star packages, PLUS:

FOUR (4) one-on-one Skype coaching sessions with Mr. Sexsmith (valued at $800) to walk you through the course with extra support and attention

A signed letter from Mr. Sexsmith to your future (or present) dominant

Custom made Submissive Playground dog tag at the end of the course

limited to 3 participants




All of the elements in the DIY package, PLUS:

Progress tracking on the Star Chart

Receive feedback on your homework assignments

Paper certificate of completion

Includes one one-on-one Skype coaching session with Mr. Sexsmith (valued at $200)

limited to 10 participants



Submissive Playground doesn't teach you how to be submissive. It leads you to discover and articulate your relationship to submission, so you can have that deeply satisfying D/s relationship that is even better than the fantasy: it's reality.

Your way of being submissive is the right way for you. Come play, so you can have a deeper understanding of
how your submission works.

Registration closes September 30th

Here's what happens after you click: 

Choose your level of mentorship for the course and pay via Eventbrite

You'll receive confirmation via email! If you signed up for individual sessions with Mr. Sexsmith, you'll receive an invitation to schedule

 The pre-course materials will be in your Inbox on October 3rd, and the course begins Saturday, October 8th

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s an s-type?

An “S-type” is an umbrella term for bottoms, submissives, slaves, and other types of identity on that side of the power equation. People use many words to identify that side of the relationship, so “s-type” is a catch-all term that includes everybody. S-types can be active, receptive, stone, servicey, sluts, have negotiated their own needs, or be seeking to give over every aspect of themselves to another’s authority. There are many ways to be and embody an s-type—and that’s exactly what this course will be exploring. Wherever you are in your s-type journey, this course will help you elevate your pursuit to a new level.

I want to sign up, but I’m broke. Is there a sliding scale?

Yes! There is a DIY Package that is access to the materials, but without any bells & whistles that the Star Package and Mentor Package have. The DIY Package will get you access to all the course materials, including the webinars, the assignments, the Sandbox message board to discuss the assignments and materials with other Players, erotica and theory to read, dirty videos to watch, and a track-your-progress chart. If this DIY Package is still too expensive for you, but you really want to attend, email Mr. Sexsmith and let’s see if we can work something out.

I can’t make one of the webinars, will they be available later?

Yes. The webinars will be recorded and available on the website for download after the session.

I'm so busy already — how much time will all the course take?

There will be about 2 hours of tasks for every module, plus the 90-minute session with all Players every two weeks, which you can tune in to live and ask questions or download and listen to at your leisure.

As with any good course, if you want to do more than a few hours of tasks, there will be opportunities to expand your submission and practice going deeper. You will get out of this course what you put into it, so the more you put in, the more you will gain.

Is this course online? Do I meet you in person?

The course is completely online, via your computer. You won’t need any fancy software, just your browser for the homework, course materials, and the weekly sessions. If you’d like to join the video chat with Sinclair, you need a webcam from your computer. If you have one-on-one sessions with Sinclair, those can be done via Skype or Facetime, or over the phone.

What are the dates of the course?

Submissive Playground starts October 8th and runs through December 10th, 2016. On October 5th, you’ll receive the pre-course materials to get you all signed in and ready for the first module, Bondage, and we’ll go from there. Live reflection video hangouts with everybody will happen on Saturdays:

BONDAGE: Saturday, October 8th, 2016, 10-11:30am PST / 1-2:30pm EST / 5-6:30pm GMT

DISCIPLINE: Saturday, October 29th, 2016, 10-11:30am PST / 1-2:30pm EST / 5-6:30pm GMT

SERVICE: Saturday, November 12th, 2016, 10-11:30am PST / 1-2:30pm EST / 5-6:30pm GMT

MASOCHISM: Saturday, November 26th, 2016, 10-11:30am PST / 1-2:30pm EST / 5-6:30pm GMT

WRAP-UP: Saturday, December 10th, 2016, 10-11:30am PST / 1-2:30pm EST / 5-6:30pm GMT

Players will receive details on how to participate when they sign up!