KD believes that mutual respect is incredibly important for submission and for service. Do you feel confident that your power exchanges have mutual respect? Do you ever secretly feel “less than” your Dominant, or that they treat you as though you were less valuable or respected? Have you been in relationships where you had a power dynamic and mutual respect was off, or felt bad for you?
KD says, “just because you're interested in being submissive, doesn't mean you're necessarily a service submissive. Or, if you're interested in service, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're submissive.” Service and submission are not “forever linked.” Have you in the past or do you currently identify more strongly with submission or with service? Have you linked these for yourself, currently or in the past?
“The best way to understand yourself as a submissive, and as a service submissive – as a service provider – is to really understand yourself and your own limits. What do you need to make sure that you feel well supported and cared for in the process of providing a submissive service-oriented act?”
“Your own self care should not be trumped by your submissive, service-oriented nature,” KD says. Imagine a time that you have allowed your own self-care to be trumped by submission or service in the past. What do you wish you had said? How might you be sure to keep your boundaries firm, remembering that “the first way I serve my Dominant is through my own self-care,” or that the “Prime Directive,” as Mollena puts it, is to above all else take care of the Dominant’s property?
If you are a dominant, consider if you have pushed someone else to serve you even when it was hard for them. What was it like? Did you know you were doing it, or did someone tell you later? Was it hard for you to push? Reflect here.
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