Service:
The Art of Graceful Giving & Receiving

“The first rule of service is: If the [dominant] doesn’t want it, it isn’t service.” —Joshua Tenpenny, Real Service

We frequently make “submission” synonymous with “service,” and “dominance” with “making orders”, but they are not the same. Some dominants are service-oriented — dominants with more parental styles tend to do many things on behalf of their submissive.

Yet, many people come to D/s through service. In BDSM conferences and books there is much time spent on service, particularly for the submissive. But what about the skills needed for a dominant to receive service? How do we receive gracefully, when it might challenge our sense of independence and confidence? Are we comfortable just receiving?

When we do things for other people, we might expect that they do something for us in return. Regardless of how sexy of a fantasy it is to be ‘used’ and to do every little thing precisely when wanted, with only the satisfaction of having done the job well, in reality it is far more common for resentments to build. So how do we manage resentment in service? And how do we as dominants accept and reward service such that we keep the power dynamic strong?

All of us, whether dominant or submissive, whether usually of high ability or not, will have some times when we are simply not able to serve. We might be in temporary states of change of ability: illness, a broken bone, or going through a big emotional ordeal such as losing a job, or experiencing the death of a loved one. Or we might be in longer term state of disability, or have a neurodiversity which affects executive function, or a chemical imbalance, or chronic pain.

What is that like from the submissive perspective, and from the dominant’s? What is our plan for when — not if, when — this happens? What is our relationship to service in more challenging times?

Get ready to dive into these, and more. There is much to explore in the Service Unit of D/s Playground!